When Love Meets Conflict — How to Handle Disagreements Gracefully

Bhakti Raas
May 3
4 min read

It was a breezy Saturday morning. Meera and Mukund, dressed in their casual weekend best, were walking through the park. A couple admired by many—tall, lean, impeccably dressed, deeply in love—they seemed like the perfect match. But even the most aligned souls have their storms.

The Conflict

That morning, Meera had expected Mukund to help with planning a small family get-together. Mukund, however, had committed to a last-minute client call. Frustration simmered quietly in Meera’s heart, while Mukund felt pulled between responsibility and relationship.

As they walked, silence thickened. They passed the familiar oak trees, the same path they’d walked many times before, but today felt different. The weight of unspoken words was heavy in the air. Meera’s thoughts were racing—Why does he always choose work over our plans? Mukund, on the other hand, was wrestling with guilt and irritation. He hadn’t meant to let her down, but the pressure of his job was unrelenting.

The Conversation

It was Meera who finally broke the silence, her voice soft but firm. “You always say we plan everything together, but I feel like I was left alone to manage the details today. I was looking forward to us doing this together.”

Mukund stopped walking. He had expected this moment to come, but hearing her speak her feelings made him pause and reflect. He hadn’t realized how his actions had affected her. He took a deep breath, his mind racing to find the right words. “You’re right, Meera. I didn’t communicate well, and I should have considered our plans before agreeing to a work call. I didn’t want to disappoint you, but I can see now how my lack of coordination made you feel left out. I’m sorry.”

For a moment, Meera remained quiet, processing his apology. There was no anger in her heart, only a deep sense of understanding. They both knew that relationships required constant adjustment. “I appreciate your apology, Mukund. I know work is important, but it also feels like we’ve had these little misalignments too often lately. It’s frustrating,” she said.

Mukund nodded. “I don’t want you to feel like this is a pattern. Let’s figure out how we can balance things better in the future.”

They both smiled, a shared sense of peace beginning to settle in. This wasn’t the end of their disagreement, but it was the beginning of a deeper understanding. The walk continued, but the tension had lifted.

The Scriptural Lens:

The Bhagavad Gita teaches, “dukhesv anudvigna-manah sukhesu vigata-sprihah” (BG 2.56) — one who is not disturbed in sorrow and not elated in happiness, who is free from attachment, fear, and anger, is steady in wisdom. In relationships, it’s easy to be swept up by the emotions of a disagreement. Yet, as Krishna instructs, cultivating equanimity in all situations can transform how we handle conflicts.

Meera and Mukund, by taking a moment to reflect before reacting, practiced this steadiness. They allowed themselves to feel frustration, but they didn’t let it control the course of their interaction. In this way, they were living the teachings of Krishna — responding thoughtfully, rather than reacting impulsively.

The Psychological Insight:

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, known for his work on relationship dynamics, emphasizes the importance of “soft startups” in conversations. A soft startup, where one expresses feelings without blame, allows both partners to engage with empathy rather than defensiveness. Meera’s initial words, “I feel…” instead of “You always…” set the tone for a constructive conversation.

Gottman’s research also suggests that during conflict, couples should avoid the “Four Horsemen” — criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Meera and Mukund’s dialogue avoided these traps. Mukund listened actively, without being defensive, and Meera didn’t criticize him personally but expressed her feelings.

The Scientific Angle:

When conflicts arise, the body’s response to stress is powerful. Cortisol, the stress hormone, increases, and empathy decreases. During moments of tension, our ability to truly listen can be impaired. That’s why physical activity, like the walk Meera and Mukund shared, is so effective. Walking helps reduce cortisol levels and boosts oxytocin, the hormone that fosters connection. Research shows that couples who engage in physical activities together have better relationship satisfaction.

Mukund, in his own way, understood that walking together wasn’t just a way to pass the time — it was medicine.

Their Secret?

Respect over ego. Listening over reacting. Love over being right.

Meera and Mukund’s ability to work through their disagreement with mutual respect and open communication is what makes their relationship stronger. It’s not about avoiding conflict altogether, but about handling it with maturity, love, and understanding. Their commitment to balancing work and personal life, to prioritizing their bond, and to growing together in love, is what makes them so aligned.

Takeaway for You:

Conflicts are inevitable in relationships, but how we handle them determines the health of the bond. Here are a few tips for managing disagreements with your partner:

1. Take a step back – Don’t respond immediately when emotions are high. Give yourself time to cool down and gather your thoughts.

2. Communicate respectfully – Use “I feel…” instead of “You always…” This shifts the focus from blame to personal experience.

3. Practice empathy – Understand your partner’s perspective and listen actively.

4. Engage in physical activity – Whether it's a walk or a simple stretch, moving together can help lower stress levels and open up space for better communication.

5. Find solutions together – Work with your partner to find compromises or adjustments that make both of you feel heard and valued.

Remember, conflicts don’t have to be destructive. With love, respect, and understanding, you can turn disagreements into opportunities for growth.